Middle school arms students with canned goods in case of shootings

Yes We Can protective equipmentSenseless violence has become all too common in America’s public schools, so the safety of our kids has become a top priority, and rightly so. But a middle school in Alabama might need some extra safety training after their latest idea to keep kids safe. After you hear their idea, I think you’ll agree. Their plan? A can off corn… or peas… or some other vegetable they may not like. Not to eat, but to use as a weapon by throwing it at an intruder.

I can see it now, can’t you? Signs posted on school property with the following: WARNING! Students and teachers on this property are armed with peas and carrots! Proceed at your own risk!

Or picture this story in the newspaper: A man with an AK-47 barges into a local middle school intent on killing children, but his plans are foiled when a 12-year-old hits him in the head with a can of clinged peaches in heavy syrup.

No, this is NOT satire. Here’s what the letter sent to the homes of students from W.F. Burns middle school said:

“We realize at first this may seem odd, however, it is a practice that would catch an intruder off-guard. The canned food item could stun the intruder or even knock him out until the police arrive. The canned food item will give students a sense of empowerment to protect themselves and will make them feel secure in case an intruder enters their classroom.”

The letter cited instances where other school districts in Massachusetts and Wisconsin had determined that heaving canned food at bad guys will save lives. However, as far as we know, this ridiculous idea has never been put to the test in a real-life situation.

Of course, the anti-2nd Amendment loons running the nation’s school system are pretty much stuck with stupid plans like this one. Most have ruled out arming and training faculty and staff, and have said “no” to bringing armed guards into the schools as the NRA has advocated for years.

So, as the insanity spreads, and you prepare little Johnny or Janey for school each morning, remember three things:

  1. Make sure they are dressed warmly
  2. Make sure they have their backpacks filled with their books and homework
  3. And, make sure they have their can of corn

Their life could depend on it!