John McCain and Lindsey Graham Introduce The Protection of RINO WIMPS Act of 2013

In an unexpected, but not surprising move, Senator John McCain (R-AZ) and Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) have proposed new legislation intended to protect the endangered RINO.

If it becomes law, the Protection of Republicans In Name Only and Washington Insiders Masquerading as Public Servants Act of 2013 (The R.I.N.O. W.I.M.P.S. Act) will provide special protections to a group that sees itself threatened with extinction if current trends continue.

They used to call me a maverick; now they call me a RINO. If stabbing Conservatives like my good friend from Kentucky (Sen. Rand Paul) in the back from the Senate floor and calling him a wacko bird makes me a RINO, then I wear the label with pride. – Sen. John McCain (R-AZ)

I worship at the altar of John McCain. I can’t say no to him just like I can’t say no to Barack Obama. America needs the mediocrity that only a RINO can bring. I am proud to be included in that group. – Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC)

Senators McCain and Graham have a long history of RINO behavior. Granting amnesty to illegal immigrants, allowing unqualified appointments to Obama’s cabinet, and advocating compromise within the Republican party on Conservative social issues such as abortion and traditional marriage are just a few examples.

The bill is opposed by the majority of Conservatives and Libertarians who see RINOs as a serious threat to the life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness promised in the Declaration of Independence. However, it enjoys widespread support among RINOs, and even some key Democrats.

Recently, Obama held the first Dine-O with a RINO event of his administration—McCain and Graham both attended—meant to protect RINOs from being forced to take a position on politically unpopular issues.

Every time a RINO is forced to take a position on issues important to Conservatives and Libertarians within the Republican party, they risk taking another step towards insignificance and extinction. As we saw in the first Dine-O with a RINO, when we kept them from participating in the Rand Paul filibuster over the use of drones against Americans, we can help preserve the RINO for generations to come.

If we can keep just one RINO from being destroyed by the same kind of people who are out to destroy me and my agenda, it’s money well spent. – President Obama

Senator Charles Schumer (D-NY) recently expressed his support as well.

Let’s face it. The Democrats need RINOs in order to get our agenda in place. Amnesty for illegal aliens; stealing Second Amendment rights of law-abiding citizens; getting activist judges approved; funding Obamacare. None of these would be possible without the help of RINOs like Senator McCain and Senator Graham. – Senator Schumer

With Democrats controlling the U.S. Senate, the measure stands an excellent chance of approval. While it faces a more difficult chance in the House of Representatives, the RINO leadership of John Boehner (R-OH) and Eric Cantor (R-VA)—who have established a record of allowing Democrats set the agenda (see Fiscal Cliff and Violence Against Women Act)—the chances of passage in the House are better than they should be.

President Obama has indicated that he will sign the legislation if it reaches his desk.

The RINO needs to go the way of the Dodo bird—also known as a BINO (Bird In Name Only) because they couldn’t fly—but McCain, Graham, Boehner, and Cantor will do all they can to keep that from happening.


Disclaimer: This article is satire; it never happened. However, RINOs such as McCain and Graham are real, as is the threat they bring to liberty-loving Americans. While there is no such thing as the RINO WIMPS Act, Beltway Republicans act like there is. . . and Democrats are more than happy to help them.


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