Welcome to Conservative Comedy Friday – Christmas 2020 Edition.
In the spirit of the holiday, and to put last week’s Coronavirus Christmas behind us, I’m providing a second Christmas edition where we’ll focus on Christmas 2020 as it should have been if not for COVID.
Because, as Clark Griswold reminds us in Christmas Vacation, everyone deserves a little extra this time of year, and it should be more than a one-year membership to the Jelly-of-the-Month Club.
I hope you’ll enjoy this second helping of Christmas-themed conservative comedy. I guarantee it’s better than a year of free jelly. First, a few Christmas jokes.
One Christmas eve, Pete and Jane were driving their Russian friend Rudolph back to his house. The weather outside was frightful. Jane asked Pete, “Do you think that’s sleet or rain out there?”
“It’s rain, Jane” said Pete.
“I think it’s sleet, Pete,” said Jane.
Rudolph chimed in, “It’s definitely rain, Jane.”
“No, I really think it’s sleet, Rudolph” said Jane.
“Don’t argue with the expert, Jane,” said Pete.
“What do you mean, Pete?” asked Jane.
Pete replied, “Rudolph the Red knows rain, Dear.”
One Christmas, a mother asked her young daughter if she could name two of Santa’s reindeer.
“Rudolph and Olive,” replied the young girl confidently.
“Rudolph and Olive?” said the mother, quizzically. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, mommy, Rudolph and Olive. Like in the song.”
“The song?” asked the mother. “What song?”
The girl sang, “Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows. Olive the other reindeer….”
A father took his son Billy to the Penney’s mall to see Santa. They stood in line awhile, and finally the boy was able to meet Santa and sit on his lap.
“What would you like for Christmas, Billy?” asked Santa.
“An X-Box and a Hobbit game,” Billy said.
“Okay, we’ll see what we can do about that,” said Santa with a big smile.
Later on that day they also went to see Santa at the Sears mall. When Santa asked Billy what he wanted for Christmas, Billy said, “An X-Box and a Hobbit game.”
“Will you be a good boy and do what your daddy tells you?” Santa asked.
Billy turned to his dad and said, “Let’s go back to the other Santa, Dad.”
“Why Billy?” asked his father.
“Because I didn’t have to make any deals with that one.”
One of the traditions of the season is hanging the Christmas lights, which reminds me . . . when I put up my Christmas lights earlier this month, I fell off a 32′ extension ladder. Good thing I was only on the first rung.
In neighborhoods across America, hanging Christmas lights is a competition to see who can share the most Christmas spirit. In this video by the folks at Studio C, Martha wants to share Christmas cheer, so she enters a Christmas Lights Competition . . . in a neighborhood, she doesn’t live in.
For some, when lights won’t do, they’ll get carried away with inflatable decorations. In this video by Christian comedian John B. Crist, we get a look at a day in the life of a guy who loves Christmas inflatables. Walmart, Cracker Barrel and other redneck activities included in the day’s adventure!
“Give me one of each, let’s make it a white trash Christmas!”
Clearly this Christmas season has been a little strange, even for Santa Claus. In this song parody by Christian comedian Tim Hawkins, we learn how Santa has grown tired of dealing with the hassle of who’s been naughty or nice, and how he’s teamed up with an organization Donald Trump can appreciate to make sure the kids do what he wants . . . or else.
Merry Christmas, Jackwagons!
While it can be argued that Saturday Night Live isn’t what it used to be, there have been cast members in the past who have created some memorable bits during the Christmas season.
In this classic, Adam Sandler drops by the Weekend Update desk to perform his holiday hit, The Hanukkah Song. “Instead of one day of presents, we have eight crazy nights!” [Season 20, 1994]
That’s it for the Christmas 2020 edition, but for more fun and laughter, be sure to check out the Conservative Comedy archives. Have a great weekend!
David Leach is the owner of the Strident Conservative. He holds people of every political stripe accountable for their failure to uphold conservative values, and he promotes those values instead of political parties.