Welcome to Conservative Comedy Friday. We begin this edition with a story from the life of Bernie Sanders. Did you know Bernie used to be an amateur spelunker?
One day, many years ago, Bernie was exploring a cave where he stumbled upon an antique oil lamp with some ancient writing. In an effort to try to decipher what was written, Bernie took out his handkerchief and began wiping away the dirt and rust.
Suddenly, a magic genie appeared who said, “For freeing me from the lamp, I will grant you one wish. But there are three rules: I can’t kill anyone, I can’t make people fall in love, and I can’t bring anyone back from the dead.”
Frightened, but always excited about getting things for free, Bernie said, “I want socialism to work” to which the genie replied, “Make that four rules.”
A few weeks ago, America’s reality TV show president turned his last State of the Union address before the 2020 election into a made-for-TV spectacle. In what could have been called the White House remake of The Price Is Right — “Tell America what she’s won, Johnny” — Trump halfheartedly offered a list of accomplishments peppered with the lies and broken promises you’d expect from the man who openly admits that he only tells the truth “when I can.”
To put it bluntly, the SOTU wasn’t all it was promised to be, at least on substance. Heck, even the ratings Trump claims he gets on TV weren’t there. And then there was the kerfuffle at the end when Nancy Pelosi tore up his notes on camera for all the world to see.
But we can still get something out of it thanks to this video by Bad Lip Reading, where Nancy keeps busy in the background while Trump does his thing.
Trump’s SOTU served as another reminder that we are in a presidential election year. On the Democrat side of the Unibrow Party aisle, the number of applicants for president has been narrowed down quite a bit, increasing the vetting process for the remaining candidates.
Though Joe Biden has failed to win a primary so far, the upcoming primary in South Carolina could give the former vice president his first victory heading into next week’s Super Tuesday. Needless to say, Biden’s been out on the campaign trail beating the bushes for support; he’s also been running some ads.
For a taste of what the people in South Carolina and future primary states have been fed, here’s another Bad Lip Reading production where we get to see the real Joe Biden.
In the summer of 2018, a ruling by the 3rd U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in Philadelphia said that Transportation Security Administration (TSA) screeners are immune from flier abuse claims under a federal law governing assaults, false arrests and other abuses.
I often feature the work of Reason TV’s Remy. In this last video, Remy gives us a song parody of Elton John’s Can You Feel the Love Tonight? where he shows how TSA abuse continues to deprive us of our rights. Security theater has never been so romantic.
Have a great weekend!
David Leach is the owner of the Strident Conservative.