The “B” In Boxer Stands For Butthead

Butthead: slang (n) – a person regarded as stupid or inept

America has been under threat of radical Islam for decades, and today the genius of a Senator from California has come to the conclusion that CO2 will be the leading cause of international conflict over the next 20 years, leading to increased threats to our troops. No, really!

I’m going to put in the record, Madam President, a host of quotes from our national security experts who tell us that carbon pollution leading to climate change will be over the next 20 years the leading cause of conflict, putting our troops in harm’s way. And that’s why we have so many returning veterans who want us to move forward and address this issue, so we can create those new technologies that get us off this foreign oil.

There you have it. Our troops aren’t over in Iraq and Afghanistan fighting the threat of radical Islam – they aren’t sacrificing their lives for freedom and democracy.

Nope, they are fighting because there are too many SUVs and not enough electric cars. They are dying because there are too many coal-burning power plants and not enough solar panels and wind farms.

They wouldn’t have to be fighting at all if we only took steps to reduce our dependence on foreign oil.

And those four terrorist attacks on American soil since Obama became President? Were they motivated by any radical ideas or Islamic extremism? Naw, they simply were doing what they could to bring attention to the crisis of glo-BULL warming.

So relax America!

Kim Jong Il isn’t building his nuclear capabilities to start a nuclear war – he just wants South Korea and the rest of the world to reduce their carbon footprint. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad doesn’t want to see Israel wiped off the map – he just wants to wipe out their CO2 emissions.

And the Taliban and Al Qaeda don’t want to violently convert the whole world to Islam – they only bomb and kill innocent people around the world in order to lower the impact of humans on the environment.

And here I thought that when Obama promised the oceans would recede under his presidency, he was making a ridiculous claim about saving the environment. Turns out, it was part of his foreign policy.

Now, let’s pass Obama’s Cap and Trade Tax and bring our troops home. According to Senator Boxer Butthead in California, that should do the trick.

 

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