Global Warming To Improve Under Obamacare

(Satire) On the heels of a story published in the Guardian Newspaper about how fewer babies will create a cleaner environment, White House Press Secretary, Robert Gibbs, announced in a briefing with the media (everyone except FOX News) that an additional benefit might be realized under Obamacare – the reduction of CO2 emissions.

“The President is pleased to announce that one of the roadblocks to healthcare reform can now be removed from the discussion,” stated Gibbs. “The issue of whether abortion coverage should be included in any legislation the President signs is no longer a problem due to the positive impact it will have on his goal of saving the planet from environmental destruction.”

Appearing with Gibbs was Obama’s Science Czar, John Holdren. As director of the Office of Science and Technology Policy, he advises the president on scientific affairs involving energy independence and global warming. He is the co-author of the book “Ecoscience: Population, Resources, Environment” which called for forced sterilization as a means of reducing the world’s population.

“As you may or may not know, I have long advocated that single women be forced to abort their babies or put them up for adoption,” said Holdren, “in addition to implanting sterilizing capsules in people when they reach puberty and spiking water reserves and staple foods with a chemical that would make people sterile.”

“While Obamacare won’t cover all of those things, paying for abortions will go a long way to making America a greener planet.”

Gibbs refused to say whether the administration will request that infanticide be covered under Obamacare. However, under past policy positions held by the President and the Science Czar, it will surely be given serious consideration.

“While still a member of the Illinois Legislature, the President demonstrated his support of infanticide when he voted ‘NO’ on the ‘Induced Infant Liability Act,’ which mirrored the Federal ‘Born Alive Infant Protection Act’ and would have provided for the medical needs of infants that survived an abortion,” he said.

“This position also parallels the belief held by Mr. Holdren that a child isn’t a human being until he/she has been alive for several years.”

“If we are forced to deal with the environmental hazards created by these CO2 producing vessels, we may need to require that Obamacare pay for their elimination,” he concluded.

While the Senate and the House of Representatives continue to wrestle with how to make healthcare reform the same financial success as Social Security and Medicare, the Physician-in-Chief wants his fellow comrades citizens to know that Obamacare won’t only give the government control of nearly 20% of the nation’s economy, but it just might be the tool that solves the problem of global warming.

 

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