George Bush And Republicans Responsible For D.C. Blizzard

Faced with one of the coldest and snowiest winters on record, Democrats have been scrambling for a logical explanation as to the cause for this extreme weather in light of the fact that global warming is “settled science,” as the Administration contended immediately following Climategate.

After several hours in closed-door meetings, Harry Reid and Barack Obama came to the conclusion that the only explanation for such contradictory events lie at the feet of the Republicans, as the GOP tries to hijack the Democrat Cap and Trade Tax legislation that they need to finance their record-breaking spending spree, I mean clean and save the planet.

“The party of “no” has done nothing but obstruct efforts by the Administration to pass unnecessary, I mean necessary global warming legislation. Now, to make matters worse, their actions have been directly responsible for the record-setting blizzards that hit the Capitol last week,” stated Reid during the Democrat news conference.

“Scientific experts have now informed us that global warming is directly responsible for the record low temperatures and snowfall that Washington, D.C. and the rest of the nation have experienced. Clearly, it has been the obstructionist practices of the right-wing extremists of the Republican party that are directly responsible for this extreme weather.”

Also present at the briefing was Press Secretary, Robert Gibbs. Speaking for the President, Mr. Gibbs blamed the confusion many Americans are now having on the subject of global warming on the Bush Administration.

“The President inherited this climate change problem, just as he did the poor economy and the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan,” stated Gibbs. “The Bush administration’s failure to take meaningful measures concerning the environment has caused incredible hardship on the American people.”

“For the first time that we know of, all 50 states had snow on the ground at the same time this winter. This record breaking fact would never have happened had it not been for global warming and the previous administration’s inaction in the area of reducing CO2 emissions.” 

During the record-setting storm, Congress was unable to get to the Capital, which prevented them from working on issues important to the Democrats and the Administration. The Senate majority leader had some words on this subject as well.

“This Republican-created blizzard prevented Congress from doing the people’s business,” stated Reid. “Who knows how many backroom bribes on healthcare never got done, how much spending went unspent or how my re-election campaign suffered due to the inability to get to work?” 

Attempts to reach Al Gore for comment on the D.C. blizzard were unsuccessful. One rumor is that he is in hiding to keep the Nobel Committee from repossessing his Peace Prize after Professor Phil Jones confessed that there hasn’t been any global warming since 1995. There is also an unconfirmed report that he has been found in a frozen block of ice by a snowplow driver.

Whether this new information concerning George Bush and the Republicans will help Democrats in the November elections remains to be seen, however there was a hint of optimism as Reid and Gibbs concluded their press conference.

“If we can get keep this trend of lower temperatures and record snow in places where it doesn’t normally occur, I like our chances,” said Reid.

Added Gibbs, “Lower temps and record snow will win the global warming argument for the Democrats in the fall. That, along with blaming Bush for everything, will bring it home in November.”


What others had to say: