Are Obama And His Teleprompter About To Part Ways?

April 5, 2012

Obama has always been fond of recycling worn-out and ineffective talking points. And we’re not just talking about recycled themes, we’re talking about the actual content of his speeches, such as his recent one regarding the House Budget Plan. You’d think that Obama and his teleprompter – who have been in a committed relationship from the beginning of his presidency – could do better than that. However, unnamed sources within the administration have confirmed that the Teleprompter of the United States and the President are having difficulties due to a rash of embarrassing performances. Obama’s State of the Union speeches have become notorious for being nothing more than…

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First The Teleprompter, Now This?

March 2, 2010

As we have seen throughout his career, the President of the United States depends on his good friend, the Teleprompter of the United States, to deliver the kind of speeches that causes Chris Matthews’ leg to tingle and Newsweek to declare him a god. On the few occasions where he risked venturing out to the great unknown of “winging it,” he gave us such memorable foot-in-mouth moments as his “stupid” accusation about the Cambridge, MA. police department and his “tire gauge” solution to the energy crisis. However, these moments of ineptitude pale in comparison to a new revelation being reported by The Onion News Network. In a startling exclusive,…

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Sources Confirm Bo Ate The Gitmo Report

July 20, 2009
Sources Confirm Bo Ate The Gitmo Report

In one of his first orders of business as the new President, the messiah defiantly issued an executive order shutting down Gitmo prison. Typical of the most inexperienced President in history, this action was taken too quickly and was lacking in details. To address this lack of specifics, he established a task force (what, no czar?) to do the dirty work he was unwilling or unable to do. Since their assignment didn’t involved spending trillions of dollars on economic stimulus, cap and tax (oops, I mean cap and trade) or a government takeover of the nation’s healthcare system, they were given six months to complete their task. After all, national security…

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Obama Staffer Suffers Tragedy

July 13, 2009

White House – In a special press conference, White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs announced that the most vital member of the President’s staff collapsed today during a press briefing on the economy. “At approximately 10:55 am (EST) today, the President’s trusted speech advisor collapsed while participating with him in a briefing on the economy. The Teleprompter of the United States, affectionally referred to as ‘Mr. T’ by those of us closest to him, shattered as one of his glass reflectors fell to the floor.” While the accident wasn’t fatal, the Teleprompter of the United States remained in critical condition as the White House made plans for obtaining another reflector…

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