All Hail Octavia!

Conservatives have been trying to figure out why Progressives, led by their man in the White House, have been treating terrorists with kid gloves and spending record levels of money. It appeared that they simply didn’t have a plan for these two vital issues.

In fact, they seemed to be willing to make matters worse by passing Obamacare’s “revenue neutral” hijacking of nearly 20% of the American economy.

Well America, we can relax. Thanks to the Onion News Network (ONN), we now know they do indeed have a plan. 

Knowing that they could never repay the debts they were creating, Progressives in Washington figured they could use their non-existent terrorist “man-made disasters” policy to their advantage.

Under an emergency plan, they have staged a fake coup by men resembling the terrorists they refuse to admit exists, which they hope will allow them to have the national debt wiped out.


U.S. Government Stages Fake Coup To Wipe Out National Debt

In order to make the coup more believable, Americans have been asked to be sure to do the following:

  1. Complain about roving Octo-squads
  2. List your hometown as “Octopad Province – Sector H”
  3. Wear your mandatory Octavia Allegiance patch at all times
  4. Report your occupation as “Octavian Labor Mine Toiler”

ALL HAIL OCTAVIA!!

 

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